It takes work

They say it takes work to get better.
Each day is another blessing to change but why is it hard not to make the same mistakes.
Its like my brain is wired to do the same but fuck I wana change.
I always say you need the tools in order to be successful but what excuse do you have when you get them
Stagnant and stuck on repeat. I can't seem to follow my own advice sometimes yet I say talk is cheap. Keep it pushing keep going forward and all that jazz.
But when I look inside I find that's not exactly who I am. I make mistakes and learn and grow but I stuck to learning how to love myself and built a new code the old shit got old I was tired of not being in control I'm way to good not to be good rite. But ima let you know this shit is a fight at times you wana give up and just don't feel rite but to me at least the way I see things it's all preparing you for greater things

loosing myself the poem

This life I live is full of winding roads.
I've lost myself been on the go.
I try and hold on don't wana loose control.
Loosing myself ever so slow.
This shit hits deep im searching for diamonds but I really gotta dig deep.
I really really been in zone trying to claim this throne but I feel so alone I don't wana loose myself I don't wana loose  control.
Holding on feel so wrong do ever fill this lonely. God fill me hope please I don't loose my way.
I feel myself loosing control a little bit each day. My minds just on some different waves I just don't think the same. I know things change but im feeling like I'm loosing myself . God please help me through because I don't wana loose my way. No I won't loose myself today.
No not today. I'm not trying to escape so many people trying to chase a euphoria they'll never get again. I keep going I go ham. So lost in thought so lost in my head insecurities want me dead chasing a different kind of perspective I'm so tired of loosing so tired of not doing it because of these doubts. Man fuck I wana scream out loud just rite now. I'm done with loosing myself.

dear mama #2

It's been awhile since I wrote you a poem.
It's crazy mom how the world shapes us in certain cases hurts us maybe even makes us bitter. Yeah maybe somewhere deep down I can't forgive you or myself for that matter.
Every time I come though it's like I serve my heart on a platter. I swear you missing that light you held onto for so long. I'm sorry I can't stay to long it hurts to see you hurt honestly. I know you never deserved any of this misery. For me the best thing I could do is just stay away because to be honest I don't wana add to your pain what a shame rite. I still struggle but I fight see you think all the poems I write about you are always bad but crazy thing I always say how you gave me my heart and honestly that's the only thing that holds me together when i fall apart. I have hope though I just don't wana miss seeing you get old though. Your a state away and sometimes I can't fill the space it hurts still to know you left me and moved away but I still push forward I know we are all human. Your a people pleaser trying to be cupid I'm sorry if I think it's stupid see I'm a tuff cookie mom I say it raw I don't sugar coat shit for no one including myself I'm tired of people using you and I really wana make you proud it's hard though. To let you in means that if you hurt me again I might give in see I'm still healing from my trauma but it doesn't mean I love you any less mama