Pride

 I remember a day not long ago. Peaceful protest as I hid the dolls I played with under my toy chest. Pride to me is another word for accept. Accept circumstances accept the fact that we are people too. See my past life was a nightmare waking up in cold sweats always fearing whats next. See I could not accept who I was I had no pride it what was. Resorted to gang banging and drugs. Ever day seemed to be a fasaud. See people like us have to fight for what we beleive in constantly discinated against for being us. See my expiration date was 18 could see past that please dont judge me this is a journey where I had to find humility. See my people constantly find the dream even in the darkness pride is more than acceptance its life and its lessons its what you been blessed with. Glitter covered chest fits are the best fits. Step into success and own you because you are the best Pride is the fact that we are happy to be alive to be ourselves to not fear what others think. So go and wear your crop top please be whoever you were ment to be because me im tired of being what society wants its top to top this shit off and pop off show the world what we are all about without a doubt we are kings and queens and everything in between.
Part 2
Another nightmare.
Wake up screaming in cold sweats.
I used to think a jail cell would be my best. Now I wear my rainbow colored vest.
See the life I lived was not really living.
I was giving into how other people thought I should be living. Bible giving. God please forgive me for my sinning when im myself I feel like I'm winning. They told me to never give in. Hot jails got me sweating is this really living.  I am tired of giving into the harsh realities my people face daily. If I was a straight white man they would praise me daily. Now they call me crazy for something they do daily. I cant even hold my partners hand without them looking at me crazy. I guess this world really isn't rainbows and daisies. Ow wait. Wait maybe I'm looking at it all wrong. See I don't rap or sing songs but I know I'd be wrong not to tell you how amazing. This life is even with the crazy. See that crazy made me. No matter how much my community endures we still prevail stepping our way towards the rainbow even when we are in hell. I see the funniest stuff wear a trash bag call it high fashion and strut find happiness in things other people don't give a dam about. We created community even when our heads were filled with self doubt this is pride and I am proud to be a gay Latino man. 

On the Cusp

On the cusp of something new.
I've been staring in the mirror asking who's this foo.
Don't yet know   don't  have a clue.
It's been years in the making.
True.
Lots of pain, mistakes growth than change.
Sometimes felt like giving up but they can't tame the inner.beast that's inside eyeing me denying me any chance to be stagnant.
I'm rampant when it comes to growth.
I swear my hustle is no joke.
Just months ago I couldn't get the words out didn't know how to clear my throat.
I made a decision I was tired of being poked.
See fate is no joke.
I always said I'm living on borrowed time and that's a no go.
It has a deeper meaning though.
See when you live life as though your on death row you find gratitude in the shit people look over they just don't know.
It takes one day to change your fate one decision one take. So each decision I chose to change my fate. On the cusp of soemthing new I went from lack of self love to dam you really grew truth is yeah I must admit I never thought I'd be this person always talked my shit I was my biggest critic yet I kept moving forward and slowly that inner pain diminished I turned all my negatives into winning this next chapter is going to be one for the books all this happiness and success got me shook but I know what's next it's all worth it because me and my people are the ones that deserve this.

Just us for all

Justice for all. Hmm Justice for all means I will no longer have to see my people fall both from bullets, handcuffs and all. See ive live in poverty since I could remeber justice means to me that I am fed whenever not just in January or September. Justice means that my people don't need to hide behind created beings and people like me can just be me. I don't wana have to hide being a person I created to be seen. Can you see justice to me is something that goes deeper than the surface my people are hurting black and brown people just don't deserve this but we are in a system designed to work us and hurt us. Justice for all means that we can call that 911 number and not find ourselves under the knees of people who are suppose to make us feel safe and breath but I can't seem to see justice for me is not something I could clearly see. See clearly I was fed to beleive that justice is a system designed to oppress me so please bare with me im trying to find the thought the vision and what not that will help me see past the oppression. See justice to me is learning from my lessons not being thrown away counting blessings. We are all blessed with this life so why do we have to fight to be scene heard or rite. Denied a chance to comprehend this pain inside they call my people deprived yet we found gratitude in just living our lives. Justice for me is being able to say the things that are truly on our minds the confusion and the stuff that has me lost in my mind asking my community if they think this is wrong or rite. Justice is the ability to stick up for what's rite without having to fight.
Justice means community it means growth it means change. Stop believing it's just us and let's start seeking real Justice

Why Run?

For real… it seems like the world only cares after suffering happens, why not before…? I feel like everyone just wants to settle a score.
Not me I want more. I have sex they call me a whore. The whole time they are doing the same thing well im in pain laid out on the floor. See people always expect more. More from you then from themselves. I don't wana stay in poverty don't fill my head with doubts. I'm one of those people that appreciates the life you have now why would I wait till you die to say I love you out loud im young maybe naive but not dumb why would I run from happiness and love I feel as though I live in pain when there's happiness I run how fun. The same cycle the same excuse I've used the same poor me but what about poor you. I've acted a full thinking pain was cool but that's not me anymore im no longer that foo

Is the word Okay okay?

Okay so I got this funny thing called life.
See im at this funny place in my life.
Always saying it's okay or okay alright.
But im really not okay inside.
Okay I've tried
Okay it's time
Okay alright
See I struggle but inside i fight
I fight for a better life I fight to be seen to be heard to be myself
Okay I may be a little loud but fuck if you knew what I've been through you'd understand why
Ow okay alright
See I struggle inside because I'm building something no one can see slowly picking up the pieces that I can't see I feel around and ask if it's me. Slowly building a new version of me
But okay please don't judge me for being me I make mistakes I admit but im okay and I'm living.
I feel the concept of okay has been a little tainted with the everyday the lingo we used to hide behind the everyday but naw that's not me I don't play I can't hide behind I say I'm okay. If I'm okay today tomorow may not be the same and it's okay 

Overcoming self

 I've realized a lot just this weekend alone. See friends can be like seasons they come and go. Change is something I've always been focused on. But owning who I was was something I've always done wrong. Wait a moment, take a breath and a beat, take a moment to self reflect and see. That not everyone or everything was meant for me but If I wanna do something I have to own who. Just me see the inner demons creep. They say a lot but to me talk is cheap. One moment one breath one time that's all it takes then you're met with a little fate you create. So much pressure and so many people watching but that can't stop me. I have 5 seconds before the category is closed. Change alter ego mode walk up sell myself like a piece of clothes im a boss yet I thought I couldn't be. See for me even the simplest of things are yet setting boundaries loving people who love me in return. Bridge crossed. Bridge burned. If I have to just keep moving forward then 

that's what I've earned. No looking back five seconds left to attack. Own who you are because if you don't its going to be hard to get that person back. Each moment and each breathe each step I take its all about the memories and happiness I create.

Tension and Conflict

Dam my life is full of all that tension and conflict shit. It was still is and maybe always will be I think of it's God's way if testing my integrity. The different struggles we face some can't see. From hunger to homelessness it was always poverty. See my life is like those fucking movies you see. Except the big difference is the person playing the role looks nothing like me. Drama, pain, and misery are something I'm used to see. I sat with all this for so many years that being happy seems to make me a little insecure. I pick at my fingers even in the most comforting places waiting for the drama to start and shit to get elevated but that's not life nor how it should be see as much as the movies depict my struggle and not me they also don't depict that people like me can live happily. Tension and conflict means I stay stuck so I'm picking myself up moving forward and getting unstuck fuck the tension and the conflict I want peace and serenity not the kind from death but from knowing everything will be better than okay.

Sipping some Values

Wow sipping another cup of values today.
Wake up gratitude I display. 

Shower and pray find gratitude in each day.

 I speak gratitude and self love into existence well I shower the pain away. 

Yay checked the value away click a button on my calendar and that self love task went away for today check done.

There it is values hanging on my wall well all my walls really.

 See I value friendships and memories. 

I value experience even the negative things. Boom another value hanging on my wall these are the values I live by each day y'all.
Keep it pushing know your worth you can achieve all your dreams. 

There's another value sitting on my table to set the tone of the day please sit down and breath its all apart if the scene sometimes these values feel like a job please rewire your thinking it's called self love King sit down write how the days gotta go please only positive things. 

Bam done checked and erased another daily task done value list checked. It's all a revolving door each day I explore and learn more but I stick to my core work hard and explore learn and learn more but most of all love and uplift me my community and even those that talk shit. See my values are embedded deep I really do believe that excuses are cheap. I see another value sitting rite in front of me an earn with my grandparents ashes that was given to me not just my culture but sublimely really my grandma is why I flow through life so openly. 

I sit with my values I play them on my healing drum I chew them in the way I chew my fucking gum even the fact that I choose whiskey over rum my values are me my soul and my legacy they are my daily life and my everyday things.