Hood Gay

 Not used to this person I’ve become.

Still stuck on the past like a drug

Society still labels me a thug.

The outcast not the plug.

Sex prevents me from falling in love.

That app is like a drug.

They call me a hood gay.

The gay that doesn't play the lost boy who can’t seem to find his way.

Struggle inside and numb the pain away.

At one point I couldn’t even accept myself as gay.

Slowly held a grudge

 held onto pain instead of love. 

The days seemed to blend together.

Lost hope even though I thought I could storm any weather 

to me it’s whatever.

A little hood gay trying to make it out the hood.

I try hard wish I could just move past the fact that society deemed me less than a man 

I still can’t figure out who I am.

I’m not just the little hood gay. I’m more than grinder and poppers on a Tuesday.

Ego don’t bruise me 

Sometimes I feel like I’m always losing. 

Just being myself. 

Mind filled with insecurities and doubts 

can’t seem to figure this gay shit out.

But each day it’s worth it. 

We all deserve this.

This love shit. This dream shit this nice scenery shit 

preserve even when we aren’t seen 

Shit it’s kinda  crazy.

We still embrace ourselves daily even when society drives us crazy. 

My people are amazing.

I’m not just the hood gay. The Homeboy buffet. You probably couldn’t understand the pain. The beast inside I tame.

Colorful and full of life fuck acting rite.

Sip one for the homies that couldn’t make it tonight let’s inspire others by continuing to live our lives.

Toxic love

 Love it’s a crazy thing.

Sometimes I get lost and can’t seem to see.

Happiness seems to evade me constantly stuck in a past misery.

Moving forward but can’t seem to see this toxic love rite in front of me.

It took me time to find my way after every second after my heart breaks. 

Stuck on my mind, I can't find the time to distract myself enough.

You were different like a breath of fresh air.

But inside me my trauma did not care.

It pushed and tugged.

Until you were done.

Now inside I feel so wrong.

This toxic love for me drunk asf stumbling through life as though I don’t give a fuck.

I thought I found you.

You were the one.

But I guess a thug was never meant to find love.

I’m toxic and robbed him of his inner peace.

Sometimes pain doesn’t allow me to see.

Can’t seem to breathe.

I miss your touch.

For you I may not give a fuck.

I guess I’m stuck on this toxic love .

Get me high and be my drug.

I’m not used to usually being in denial

I’m not used to usually being in denial. 

See some shit in life is wild. 

Still treat me like a child.

I’ve had this tendency to hurt and push away the people that love me. 

I am pretty but I sure know how to tap into the ugly.

Found myself doing it everyone happiness seems to creep into my life.

Like naw fuck that some shit ain’t rite.

Fighting the fact that I’m great.

They see my greatness 

But I seem to ignore it everyday.

Like heyy hey you wake the fuck up. 

You didn’t survive a heal of a life on just look.

You didn’t get respect from you looks some people actually know how to see the heart.

But I tend to reply to I’m scared that this life is hard I left my trauma in charge along time ago. 

Either you see me as the mean guy or the hoe.

But there is so much more the pain was talking depleting barley walking.

Trying to understand but it’s shocking.

I rob him the person staring in the mirror ofcourse I’m a chipmunk claiming a horse naw maybe even a lion.

But my teeth grinding at the thought that I might just end up alone again. Like how can I be the man if I am the man I am because this person be hurting I’m trying to flourish but I’m barley floating on the idea that I actually deserve shit because most people told me 18 was my expiration date. Slowly learning how to embrace fate I’m too impatient to

Wait for things to change. Holding onto to ghost whom I barley know the name. Hummingbird don’t have know aime but let me tell you something I sure ain’t missing I’ll explore my imagination as I keep inching embrace the mistakes but learn from the lessons. Soon you’ll see me rise. I’m telling you I am mental for

The sky’s I’m so tired of hiding and denying the king inside my mind I guess I gotta cut ties from the trauma inside.