Lost with a capital L

Lost but not the kinda lost you might know lost like I know but I really don't. I put the capital L on purpose it stands for Loosing but loosing focus more describes that. See its weird I know the facts I know what I need to do but I still hold myself back. LOST its lame a never ending journey I create I never really sat down and thought of the question why does there have to be a destination until well just now. I'm Lost but the only person I should be searching for is myself such a big statement an adventure one who has actually went on the journey can talk about. See im on that journey now but I wonder to myself if I'll make it out. Lost with a capital L means losing. But losing like losing my way or losing focus. I'm losing myself even though I haven't found myself yet kind of contradicts eachother rite. See I wana Live with a capital L but i seem to have lost the happiness I once had. Itsbl crazy I seem emotional or mad but it's just the thoughts that drag. Lost with a capital L. Last question heaven or hell?